Posting a Curly Ribbon

Let's party
Originally uploaded by LensENVY


Just a word to break the silence.

I have a new best friend. She's called citalopram. I only need a little bit of her every day, but she makes so much difference. Things were dark there for a while. It seems I have a little thing called depression. Not the not-able-to-get-out-of-bed kind. More like the crying-for-6-hours-a-day kind. It was so subtle, the way it took over my life. For a long time I didn't have a clue that I wasn't well. You'd think all that crying would be a give-away. But I thought I could muscle through. That I was strong enough. That I was "spiritual enough" to handle it myself. Strong enough to do what? Hold it all together even without enough brain chemicals. Don't try this at home, kids.

I'm fine now. I'm 'me' again.

You know, I wasn't planning to write this here. Only a few people know. Reasons will become apparent when I post the last in the "Container Gardening" series. But here's why I decided to put this out here: you ever notice that no one wears "ribbons" for people with mental illness? You never see huge fundraisers for someone's friend who is slowly losing her mind. You never see people wearing a special pin in honour of a loved one slipping away in the grips of dementia. And you never see anyone slap a magnetic ribbon on the back of their car in honour of their parent who just can't keep their shit together.

While I was probably unwell for a long time, it was only truly dark for a short while before I got help (thanks to an unexpected friendship). I can only image what it might be like for those who suffer for years, and for those who never get help.

I hope you don't find this in completely bad taste, but in honour of all the folks out there dealing with things alone (or feel like they're alone), I've posted a curly ribbon. Hang in there.

xo